Bereavement, Gratitude

Whoops….missed two days!

Have just been too tired to post, have left it too late into the evening…..really must try harder!  The moods and levels of exhaustion continue to be up and down.  Saw the GP yesterday, who has signed me off for another 4 weeks.  I really need to focus on a clear plan now, my mood feels better at the moment, I’ve started taking the medication at night to see if that helps with the level of exhaustion.

I’m also really trying to surround myself with positive people, people that can help me along this road to getting better.  I met two friends yesterday for a coffee, which has resulted in me resigning up for a yoga class I used to do and enjoyed and looking to do an Introduction to Buddhism and Meditation course!  It’s also nice to hear that other’s have had issues, and how they have managed to keep going!

I’m now accepting that I need to allow the grief to come out, I just don’t see how things will improve until I’ve dealt with that.  It’s hard.  My friend suggested journaling, and burning the paper if necessary.  It feels scary to even go there and begin to try and really open up and allow the tears to come.  I will try though, maybe then once Cruse is available, I might be in a better place to make the most of it.  Has anyone else got experience of this, when you just feel stuck and can’t address such a huge loss?  I am unsure how to even allow the thoughts to come to mind, am so worried that I won’t be able to cope with what happens when they do!  I’ll try to journal at night, just to see how I get on.

3 things I’m grateful for today:

  1. My eldest son, who has been helpful and understanding.  I am proud of the young man he has become.
  2. I managed to stop myself buying any stationary from Paperchase….that’s a big win!
  3. Podcasts…they make you think!

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