So I did it – managed to get myself up and ready in time for a 90 minute yoga class! I really enjoyed it, and it certainly helped me to feel more relaxed. I realise that when I can’t do something straight away or easily, I can feel that I’ve failed and that I might as well just give up! What I really need to do, of course, is accept that I’m not going to be able to do it all straight away, and that it’s a learning process. The instructor was lovely in relation to the one particular move that I couldn’t do, she showed some alternatives and ‘starter’ moves which were totally do-able!! I plan to do some yoga daily at home, I know there’s loads of YouTube videos available.
Have also done another positive thing, and have finally got myself on the waiting list for bereavement counselling. I know that I’m stuck at the moment in the denial/distraction phase….just trying to get back on with my life as normal, but it’s not happening!! The woman I spoke to was lovely and what she said totally made sense to me. She basically said that I haven’t felt the pain of the grief yet and that I’m doing anything I can to avoid sitting down and thinking about it. She advised that I most likely needed a few sessions just to open up and cry……which scares me, but I know she’s right. I realise now that I need to feel the emotions of losing my Mum, she was my best friend and the one person I could rely on, that was always there for me, often knowing what I needed before I did! Nothing feels the same any more. I know I need to adjust to life without her in it, but I just feel stuck currently.
Anyway I see accepting that, and finally making the call to Cruse, as a positive step forward. I need to take things day by day, baby-steps.
3 things I’m grateful for today:
- Feeling relaxed and present in the yoga class.
- A lemon muffin.
- Sunshine and blue skies.