I’m quite glad I know a lot about depression, and know that it’s never a straightforward recovery curve. What happens is that you have good days and bad days, hopefully the good days become more frequent and the bad days reduce. After 3 good days, I guess I was due a “not so good” day – I’m not going to say it was bad, because it certainly wasn’t. I just haven’t felt great, motivation has been reduced and I’ve felt shattered.
The difference this time was that I just went with how I was feeling, I genuinely didn’t feel like doing much, so I didn’t! More importantly, I realised that this is OK!!! I don’t have to punish myself with self-criticism for what I haven’t done. I managed my main aim of the day, which was to take the dog for a good walk….and this was enjoyable once I managed to get out of the front door, anything else achieved was a bonus. This is such a change in mindset for me, I’ve spent my whole adult life beating myself up for not being good enough, not doing things “perfectly” and comparing myself, and my achievements, to others. I’ve now learnt just how unhelpful, and more importantly how untrue and unnecessary this is. None of us are ever perfect, no matter how much we might try and kid ourselves that we should be. I have to say, it’s quite freeing to feel like this, I am finally giving myself a break for being human!
3 things I’m grateful for today:
- Listening to music I used to love….heard ‘Common People’ by PULP today and it cheered me up! Such a clever song and took me right back to my 20’s!
- Catching up with an old friend.
- My kids….all 3 of them….fantastic and funny.
Roll on Tuesday……..